I have had some of the worst dates in dating history. I mean, truly shocking. And, embarrassingly I have been the worst date on more than one occasion. Over time though, I’ve (finally) worked it out. But it’s taken me almost 2 decades, hundreds of clients and some humiliating experiences.
Now, I get to share everything I’ve learnt with fabulous women like you!
Now, just because Jazz, Caz and Maz are all busy on a Friday night and your only plans are with an entire tub of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, doesn’t mean you should accept that Tinder date with the guy who has his Mum in his profile picture. Sure, it can be a daunting and a little lonely when all your mates have dates/plans/boyfriends and your social calendar consists of your Mum’s birthday… Next month… but going out with Tinder-Trevor is not going to boost your self-esteem.
Let me introduce you to Claire, a client of mine, who suffered terribly from DDS (Disastrous-Date-Syndrome) before she began working with me.
Claire had been single for a while and as she settled into her 30’s began to hanker after that which all of her friends seemed to have… A real life boyfriend to warm her lonely cold bed, take her to the cinema and even open a joint bank account together one day. So she threw herself into dating and, on the advice of well-meaning friends, family and dating websites, refused to be picky. After months of awkward silences over pizza and some truly terrible sex, she felt defeated. Dating was meant to fill her with confidence, but all it was doing was making her feel more alone. She was fed up of being the only one without a plus one and was beginning to feel genuinely anxious about being left on the shelf. So she came to see me and enrolled in one of my programs.
Turns out, it wasn’t just Claire’s current pick of guys that kinda sucked, she’d had some pretty shitty past relationships, all of which had her feeling desperate and lonely, despite being highly successful in her career and having great friends and family around her. So we went back to basics and as she moved through my program steps with me, I helped her let go of past pain and loss, build her confidence and self-esteem back up and she not only became really clear on her ideal man, she finally believed she deserved him. Winning!
But this was not where Claire’s work with me finished. Claire was making tonnes of dating mistakes which she didn’t even know about, all of which were contributing to her case of DDS and these were taken care of through my program too. Claire actioned and applied everything I taught her about the rules of dating and guess what, it worked! Not only did she go on some amazing dates, she is now with the man of her dreams and they’re blissfully happy.
Here’s the thing that Claire learnt. A shitty date doesn’t make you feel better for getting out of the house on a Saturday night, or count as ‘dating experience’ (who the hell coined that phrase?) Bad dates with totally inappropriate men lead to DDS and you feeling bad about yourself. Get really clear on the type of guy you want to hang out with and don’t let your well-meaning girlfriends say things like “but once you meet him the fact that he’s never left his hometown might not be a problem…” It will always be a problem. The moment Claire stopped de-valuing herself by dating Tinder-Trevor’s, she started meeting some real gems.
She also learnt that here is a strategy to dating. Getting so drunk in heels so you’re walking like to shit yourself is not sexy. Nor is calling a guy the morning after said date. Or even texting him. Put your phone down! There is unspoken dating etiquette which she learnt and applied through my program.
So my main piece of advice to anyone out there suffering from DDS would be to stop going on those crappy dates in the name of something to do on a Friday night. Find someone to help you let go of the past and get clear on what you want from your future.
Please feel free to like, comment and share so that together, we can put an end to DDS!