Well Christmas is upon us. And before we know it, we’ll be drunkenly counting down the seconds to a new year. I see a spike in single women contacting me at this time of year. It can be lonely not to have a plus one at the office Christmas party and frankly it’s painful to you wake up and realise that in a fit of drunken desperation you ended up snogging Bill from accounts. Again.
New year’s is no better. It’s embarrassing when, as the clock strikes midnight you realise you’re the only one who let off a party popper because all your friends were too busy kissing their respective other half’s. Sucks!
Yesterday I was speaking to a woman who wanted to join one of my programs because “I just can’t spend another year alone.” And this got me thinking about my year alone. And more importantly, what I’ve learnt in that time which means that I’m not dreading Christmas parties or NYE.
I’ve learnt that it’s not a rejection of me if he doesn’t call, or text, or if he wants to share my bed but not breakfast. He wasn’t worthy of me. Not the other way round.
I’ve learnt to be lonely, without feeling alone.
I’ve learnt the value of true friendship. The kind that validates the soul and forms a foundation on which I can be all of me. Without excuse or explanation.
I’ve learnt that I really, genuinely can’t cook. And I’m ok with that.
I’ve learnt that I’m a work in progress. I can be a mess one day and collected the next and neither is right, nor wrong. I can want for one thing and change my mind when I get it.
I’ve learnt to dance to my own beat. And hold faith that one day someone will be dancing to the same drum.
I’ve learnt to buy myself flowers. Because the way I treat myself matters. I am the most important relationship I will ever have.
I’ve learnt that I am whole. I am enough. I belong. Just as I am.
I’ve learnt not to take life so seriously. It’s not that complicated, really. I think simply and easily now and control that which I can, and let go of that which I can’t.
I’ve learnt that my body is precious. It’s mine to give as I choose.
I’ve learnt that at times it’s ok to doubt. The little voice which questions my choices, pleads for me to settle and lives in fear of ending up alone is quietening. I don’t expect it to leave completely, but I can reassure it now.
I’ve learnt to exercise religiously. It focuses my mind. It keeps me strong. It will allow me to pirouette into my grave, not crumble into it.
I’ve learnt that the past is the past. And it need not dictate my future.
I’ve learnt to embrace being a woman. I’ve stopped trying to match men with masculinity. Now I am free to celebrate how wonderfully different and complementary men and women are. And this means that the next man who enters my life will let me be all of the woman I am.
I’ve learnt that the pride I take in my appearance isn’t about attracting men, but about my self-esteem.
I’ve learnt that vulnerability is the highest form of courage.
I’ve learnt about business. And I’m nailing it.
I’ve learnt that conforming did nothing but exhaust me. It made me feel like I was doing life ‘wrong’ and kept me trapped in fear.
I’ve learnt that I am stronger than I ever thought I was, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want someone I can collapse into at the end of a long day.
I’ve learnt my worth. And it’s more than I ever imagined.
And most importantly, I’ve learnt that love; real, true, honest love, has to start in self. Only then can you expect another to love you completely.
I don’t usually post this kind of stuff. My blogs tend to offer more practical dating advice. But as I reflect on the past year, I’ve realised that in the process of teaching myself self-love, I’ve had increased success in all areas of my life, not just dating.
So every now and then, I think this kind of message is important.
If you’d like to know more, not just about dating strategies, but also about love, then get in touch today. And share this with those who might need a reminder that finding love is so much easier when it starts from within.